Agnostically living amongst us

What do you desire? Why do you desire? How do you desire? Do you desire because it is what you want or is that ‘what’ the creator of ‘why’ you desire? Either way, which either one comes first, one can be understood as the creator of the other (WhyWhat or WhatWhy). Shouldn’t one first ask ‘how’ they desire? Well, maybe so, but not if the creator of ‘how’ one desires is rooted in the ‘what’ or the ‘why;’ cannot one know ‘how’ they desire based on the ‘what’ or ‘why?’ Maybe. Or I guess it all depends on ‘why’ or ‘what’ someone is desiring…the understanding of ‘how’ is not subject to a formula, but not fully developed until the ‘why’ or ‘what’ is complete. Maybe. Is it possible that our situations and experiences determine the ‘what’ and ‘why,’ which births our ‘how.’ For example, the first time I was ever in an art class (4th grade) I initially desired to become a good artist, so I would take every assignment seriously and try my hardest at putting together the best artwork I was capable of. So it was my desire that drove me to do well at art, but ‘what,’ ‘why,’ and ‘how’ did I desire such? Well if you break down my situation and experience, one may have an understanding. 1. I was young and still did not know what my gifts (it came easy to me) were, for that matter I thought gifts were nothing more then things you received on your birthday or during Christmas. 2. I had an incredible teacher who was extremely gifted, which inspired me to be that great. 3. I was put in a situation that gave me permission and/or forced me at times to draw. 4. It was the quietness and atmosphere of the classroom. 5. It was the assignment at hand or the form/style of art that inspired me. 6. It was an opportunity to remove myself from reality. These are only a few ways in which I may have developed a desire to become a good artist…many which are based on experience and the current situation, yet without the understanding of what I personally was going through at such an age could give more clarity. Still the question remains if none of the examples presented above created my ‘what’ or ‘why’ I desire to then know how is my ‘how’ ever fashioned? Is it possible there is something much bigger than my experiences and situations and curiosity that may give authority to my ‘how?’ Something that plays such a role for a purpose, whether or not, I am that purpose, but at least part of it? But, ultimately, is it possible for me to know this author of my ‘how,’ which plays a huge part in ‘what’ and ‘why’ I do what I do in life? It is weird to think, but I desire to know this ‘something’…but why…? Is it even possible for me to know…is the human mind capable of such intellect? Well, I would hope I could know of this ‘something,’ even if I personally or on a relational side cannot know this ‘something’ I at least want to know what generates my desires! Is this ‘something’ so far removed? If this ‘something’ has the authority and power to form and influence my desires, wouldn’t it have the same authority and power to create the entire world and all that is part of it? Is this ‘something’ limited? If this ‘something’ has such great authority and power then it would cease to hold to a humans understanding of authority and power, because our authority and power is not that great and is limited…or is it? Maybe we are the author of our authority and power, which we make it as great as we want to, which transpires into ‘how’ we desire…ultimately birthing our ‘what’ and ‘why’ of our desires. Is it possible we are that ‘something’ and once we know this the authority and power we have over our desires increases=how influential we are in life because we are secure in ourselves? Yet, we hopefully desire there is ‘something’ much greater than ourselves or the next person, because life is quite shitty sometimes…is this all there is to life…understanding you are the author of all you do, which develops confidence, in hope you will make life much easier and better, all for what purpose? To then die? What happens when you no longer desire and/or all your pleasures have been met and/or you have succeeded in all that you can…what then? Life is anticlimactically lame…destined for meaningless death. Oh how I hope there is ‘something’ more authoritative and powerful then myself…oh ‘how’ I desire such…
In the last month I have come across people who sound like the above thoughts and questions, living a life controlled by the day-to-day task life brings every week. Everyday they find themselves hoping for more in life, but continue tracking on the same cycle (exemplified in NASCAR racing or the toy train a child puts on the plastic railroad in the middle of his room and proceeds to power with electricity for the next 2 hours, as the repetitious train goes in a circle). How jaded! But as I engage in conversation with these people they verbally or physically express how they wish there were more to life…I then wish they knew there is more to life. But, I too am overwhelmed with uncertainties and humbly state, I have at least once in my life thought in these terms; to the point of becoming enslaved by them…In what category can we put these thoughts, questions, and way of life:
“When we run over libraries, persuaded of these principles, what havoc must we make? If we take in our hand any volume; of divinity or school metaphysics, for instance; let us ask, Does it contain any abstract reasoning concerning quantity or number? No. Does it contain any experimental reasoning concerning matter of fact and existence? No. Commit it then to the flames: for it can contain nothing but sophistry and illusion”1
These are the insights, questions, and way of life agnostics have. Above I presented you with a group of questions, in which I conjugated up, by placing myself in the life of the people I come across in the last month. I then presented thoughts to my questions, as I tried to bring myself to some sort of conclusion, but my hope for ‘something’ bigger then myself remained. I wrote this to understand people, because I love people and many people I have come across lately, with these thoughts and questions, desire to know Truth (whether they know it or not), but do not know why they desire such.
One of my favorite musical artists is Iron and Wine, because of his intriguing melodies and authentic lyrics. He has challenged me to think much deeper and authentically express what I do or do not know…I have recently learned about his faith which is agnosticism. He grew up in a religious home, but did not understand much of what was taught in Christianity. This is the same testimony of another well known musical artist, David Bazan (informally, Pedro the Lion). They both influence many, but why and is their more agnostics amongst us than we think…how many are apart of your local church? From my experience there seems to be arise in agnosticism…maybe because it seems safe to people (not saying there is a God, but not saying there isn’t). Maybe there is a hope beyond “ignorance is bliss”…? ‘Could I be safe after life because I do not intelligently know if there is a God, but I am saying there could be, well actually there is…maybe…, but it is arrogant for me to say there is, because I cannot prove it.’ These are the thoughts many agnostics struggle with, which are part of the people I come across daily.
Fellas, I know you all are a part of life changing ministries, but I challenged you to ask yourself, “Do I love people, no do I authentically love people to the point I actively ask people their thoughts and questions about God. Do I challenge them to be real with God and with the Body of Christ? Do I give them the freedom to be this when I am around them…do people know I love them like Christ? Do I love my ministry more than the people a part of it (followers and leaders)? Why am I in ministry…is it because I love people?”

P.S. For more info on agnosticism and its different forms and Iron and Wine check out these websites:

http://www.skepdic.com/agnosticism.html
www.religioustolerance.org/agnostic.htm
www.atheism.about.com/library/FAQs/ath/blag_index.htm
www.ironandwine.com

Love you guys,

TC


1 David Hume, “The Skeptic’s Dictionary: From Abracadabra to Zombies: Agnosticism,” Robert T, Carroll, http://www.skepdic.com/agnosticism.html (accessed February 3, 2010).

UNFINSHED BLOG

The feeling of sadness has entered the heart of my soul, for I am the only one blame for such anguish...I welcomed it. The invitation came within a thought process I was having on family and salvation. On the surface one may not see these relate and I would have to concur, for my focus was on those apart of my family whom have yet to obtain salvation. As one can imagine, through my education, I am quickly encouraged to figure out the theology behind such a fight. But the Lord keeps me centered on the task, the direction in which He has desired me to pursue; the evil one is quick to sway my thoughts to meaningful thoughts but ones that are not directly insightful.
So, tracing my steps back to my original thoughts through conviction, I exhaustively arrive with what at time was curiosity has not become anguish. Shall one call this physical anguish, well I would say it all depends on your view of spiritual warfare and its physically effects, yet for me I spiritually cease the consistent battle between good and evil. Because I have come to realize there are actually lost souls on our earthly home, they will not live for eternity in the midst of the Trinity's glory, yet in and through the ongoing persecution for eternity. Is this new to me...come on I have been a Christian for the last 12 years of my life of course I understand true life and death. Or maybe not!
One would think an individual with such understanding would be actively telling others about the gift of grace offered to humanity through the death of Christ, but if this is not the case than how does one plead..? Well, the excuses can go on for eternity, so to avoid such tongue and cheek I will simply cut to the chase and state, "I am spiritually lazy." Yeah it's true I find satisfyingly unjoyful in not being proactive within my faith...Work is prompting me to participate, so I shall finish me thoughts later.

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How I am currently feeling: mad, sad, frustrated, confused, jealous, annoyed, lonely, slothful, and empty minded. Why am I here at Denver Seminary? This question comes to mind often, but today I have asked it every minute of every hour. Why would God call me to Denver Seminary? Any graduate school for that matter? I am not an intellect and am a very bad student. It does not make sense to me. I know God has plans, and knows what I need to do to fulfill these plans but... All my insecurities have come to the forefront, challenging me to believe them, rather than God. To be frank, I find more truth in their lies, than God's Truth. Deep down I truly do not believe in my last statement, but it is how I feel. Why Why Why? God did not give me the gift of intelligence, good study habits, ability to read well or write, yet I am here at Denver Seminary getting my Masters of Divinity. What does God see in me that I cannot see?.....................................................Lord, I rebuke in the name of Jesus Christ the presence and influence of the Evil One. My pursuit is holiness for your glory, therefore, unrighteousness is not welcomed. Amen Amen

T